Manipulative masters

Hi everyone 

This is my first post on this page. It’s basically a medium where I get to express what I feel about random things, situations and how my mood affects my day. 

So here I go…. 

Today was about this person, I feel, is great at telling stories and very good with distorting facts. This behaviour prompted me to write this post because such people can irritate you to the core. So this is what I feel, Hope you’ll agree with me….

Distorting facts is equal to lying. Unfortunately , some people get kicks out of twisting and turning the facts just to make the incident more juicy. They mould the story according to their perception and completely ignore the body language and the tone in which the things were said and done. It amazes me why people don’t pay stress to all this because these are as much a part of our speech as much as the words we use. Same words said in anger sound different than when they are said in humour. 

These people are confident about what they say without reflecting upon the repercussions because, according to them, they are not lying. They just project things as they see them; according to their own perspective. They fail to see the broader picture and forget to take into account other aspects to the whole story; be it intentionally or unintentionally. Such people can easily hurt the feelings of the people involved. 

They are dangerous when it comes to keeping secrets . Their deep interest in gossipping and having fun on someone else’s expense makes them manipulate the facts according to their own whims and fancies. These people are a greater threat than blatant liars because it’s hard to look through their lies. They are selfish and careless towards what others feel. 
I’ve written this post for all the straight forward people to beware them of the parasites in our society. 
Thank you 😊

Aayushi Jain

Advertisements

Opinionated vs judgemental

Being opinionated and being judgemental are two very different things. Yes, I am opinionated and at the same time, I dislike judgemental people. You must be wondering how’s that possible?

Well, A person who has a mind of his own can’t help but form opinions. It is good to stand strongly for what you feel is right. It is also important to voice your opinions. Personally, I feel you owe it to the people you love to express what you feel and how you feel about things. It is important to be honest about your opinions. 

That said, there is a thin line in being opinionated and being judgemental. When I say I’m opinionated, I mean that I have logical reasons behind forming my opinions. People who judge are the people who’ll pass judgements on the basis of things told to them or things that are wrong according to their own mindset. They judge other people on the basis of lines they draw for their own selves or the lines drawn by the society. Now, that’s unfair! 

All of us have the right to choose our limits, our boundaries, our comfort zone and our lifestyle. 

When I form an opinion about a man, it’ll depend on how he treats a woman and not on the fact that he fags or boozes. When I form an opinion about a woman, it’ll probably be on how polite she is with her employees and not on the number of break ups she’s gone through. 

I’ll probably find it very annoying if I see a guy travelling in his Mercedes shouting at his chauffeur for no good reason just because he thinks he can. It is wrong in my ‘opinion‘. And when that same person passes a derogatory comment about his secretary because she’s wearing a short skirt, that’s him being ‘judgemental‘! 

Why do we give tags like chauvinist, slutty, loose, spoilt, Casanova and brat without even knowing the person properly, without knowing the circumstances they are going through. We are not in their shoes so we are no one to judge. 

At the same time, I feel, it is extremely important to think and have your own opinions about matters like girl child education, whom to vote etc. I don’t know about you all but I definitely form an opinion about people who waste food. It might sound trivial but it makes me sad because many Indians don’t even find a morsel to eat and the rich feel happy in over ordering. I think it’s high time we form our opinions based on things which are much more sensitive, much deeper and much more alarming than judge someone on losing their virginity before marriage. 

We should form our opinions keeping our eyes, ears and mind open. They should be formed on the basis of someones’s behaviour, not on the basis of our self drawn boundaries, on the basis of what we see on our own, not on the basis of what others tell us and definitely not on the basis of someone’s physical attributes but their emotional and mental attributes. 

I too had a best friend!

“I love to cook” , I said .

“I hate it! I wanna work. When I come back home from work, dinner should be ready by then”, she said. 

Our interests were different but we always wanted to be together. As 15 year olds, we were planning to be roomies in the future once I was done with my cooking courses and she with her MBA. But as always, God had very different plans. 

Hi everyone.. feeling very emotional today! Missing someone very close to my heart. 

My darling best friend Sanjam. There is so much i wanted to convey to her but now I can’t . Not anymore. God has taken away that privilege from me. I’ll never be able to share my feelings face to face with her. 

 Sanjam, my beautiful, innocent and loving friend. We had literally grown up together, “chuddy buddies” if we’re allowed to use that phrase for girls. Just two months apart, our moms put us in the same play school and then onwards, we were inseparable! 

About sanju, that’s what I used to call her fondly. Aunty used to call her sana. She was very pretty, had big expressive eyes and I loved her jet black thick hair. She was goal oriented, focused on achieving what she wanted, straight forward and possessive about people she loved. She had a nice sense of humour, I remember laughing with her like crazy. She was the reason I was able to score well in all my history exams. She was the best teacher ever. I took care that she did well in maths. 

From studying together to playing chess to heat 7 treats to nikku park rides to attending summer camps to watching movies, I have innumerable memories of her.

Her house was like my second home, I used to fight with her sister like she was mine and I adored her kid brother the way she did. If we were not together, then we were perpetually chatting over the landline, calling each other almost every half an hour. Even while watching our favourite tv shows, we used to discuss it over the phone as if we were watching it together. Staying at her house after the final exam was like a childhood ritual. Aunty, the perfect host, made yummy food like always. Her house was the only place my parents allowed me to stay the night till I was 15. Same school, same tuitions, common friends, lots of laughter and a lot of fighting and making up sessions. 
It was a nearly perfect friendship and as all loving relationships have some disagreement now and then, we too had one! We were just 16 and as immature as teenagers generally are. I thought I had a lot of time to sort the matter out, but i was wrong. September 2006 , my friend, just 16 years old, met with this terrible accident. She was hospitalised and that’s when the reality struck me. I wanted to tell her how badly I want her to recover, how much I love her and how terribly I need her in my life. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to hug it out. I wanted to wipe the tears off her face and tell her she is and will be my best friend even if I make a thousand other friends. I kept praying but I came to know that they all went unanswered when I got the worst news of my life. I still can’t forget how I couldn’t digest it, pinching ache in my heart and my head spinning. I felt like I’m in a dream and this horrible dream would end soon until I saw her lying down on the floor, her face as serene and beautiful as ever. 

How I regret that I could never tell her all this when she could listen. I still see her in my dreams. The dreams are so vivid that I actually believe that she’s back. It takes me a while to get over the fact that she’s not there anymore every time I wake up after seeing her in my dreams. She wasn’t supposed to go this early. God had been unfair. We all, all her friends, stayed strong for aunty but each one of us was burning inside with agony because of her untimely death.

You all must be wondering why am I sharing this with you all. It’s my personal matter and I should be keeping it to myself. I’m sharing this because these thoughts have been bottled up for long. I still miss her with the same intensity and probably will keep missing her my entire life especially on all the important events of my life. 

The day I got engaged, my wedding day, the day I got to know I’m going to be a mother and the day I delivered my beautiful daughter, I missed her every single time. I’m sure she would’ve been the happiest to see all this, she would’ve danced in excitement. She would’ve been the best aunt to my baby. Instead of all this, all I’m left with, are her memories and a letter she wrote to me a few days before that unfortunate accident. That letter is undoubtedly my most priced possession. 

Another reason to share this is that I request all of you to share and express what you feel towards your dear ones. Don’t wait. Don’t wait for destiny to decide. Take charge. Don’t make the mistake that I made. If you value the person more than the argument, please sort it out today. Don’t wait for tomorrow. If that tomorrow doesn’t come, you’ll keep regretting all your life. Express your feelings, love wholeheartedly, forgive and forget. 

No one can ever fill the void that she left in so many lives. She was loved by all. Such beautiful souls are hard to find. May god never take such people away from us. And I wish that wherever she is now, she is at peace surrounded by only good and beautiful things. 

“Ek aah bhari hogi, humne na suni hogi 

Jaate jaate tumne aawaaz to Di hogi

Har waqt yahi hai gham 

Uss waqt kahan the hum 

Kahan tum chale gae”

These words from the song Chitthi na koi Sandesh keep echoing in my ears when I think about her and tears trickle down even today.

Full stomach = Happy heart

We all went for lunch , a group of about 14-15 , one of us did not eat anything stating that she’s fasting. On asking the reason, she said it’s because of her religious beliefs. Being a foodie that she is, I couldn’t help but notice how irritated she was when all of us were enjoying a sumptuous meal and she was drinking plain water. 

Hi everyone.. Today I was just wondering about the logic behind fasting. Religious beliefs are fine, to each their own! But I really do not see much sense in the whole concept of fasting.

Let’s talk about the different types of fasting.

One type of fasting is to skip meals altogether. The logic behind this kind of fasting should be detoxification of our bodies. The other logics that I can still fathom are self penance and saving food. These actually make some sense but just to check your own will power, if you observe a fast, then please make sure that no one else is getting bothered because of you. Make sure that you take care of your own self if you fall ill or if there is any other problem related to your fasting. Why should others suffer because you want to test your own body and control? And as far as saving food is concerned, we should try not to splurge on food and festivities that follow afterwards. We can actually detoxify our body if we fast the right way and drink a lot of water. This should be done by taking a dietician’s help not blindly following one’s religion. 

I’ve seen people observing fasts feeling weak and expecting others to leave their daily chores and take care of them. A few people get so irritable that they take out their frustration, of not eating, on others. Even if you want to fast, fast till the time your mood and body allow you to do so. It’s no one else’s fault that you are dependent on fasting as a measure to prove your control over your mind or fulfilling your religious desires. 
The other type is in which you are allowed, as per your religion not as per your doctor, to eat potatoes in any form, pooris, fruits, milk products etc. That so called ‘fasting’ is just a sham because you can eat as much as you want to. The only restriction is not to eat healthy vegetables. What’s the reason behind that fasting? What purpose will it solve? 

And don’t even get me started on the concept of Karva chauth. I like observing that fast because it’s manageable , it breaks the monotony of eating everyday, I love dressing up on that day and my husband makes me feel special. I admit that I don’t believe it has anything to do with my husband’s age. I’ll do it as long as my health allows me to do it. God bless him always and may he never depend on my fasting for a long and healthy life. 

Eating habits should depend on your medical condition. If your doctor has advised you to eat a low salt diet, you must! But if your Blood Pressure remains low and you go on a salt free diet because of your religion, I request you to please stop playing with your health. 

If you think fasting is a way to please God, think again! I’m sure God doesn’t want to see you hungry. It’ll make him happier if you eat. If you are praying empty stomach and all you can think in your prayers are the things you’ll eat when you open your fast, what’s the point?

According to a Spanish proverb, ” a full stomach makes a happy heart” and I totally agree. A content mind, a full stomach and a healthy body can meditate much better than a growling stomach and a dizzy head. 

If it’s about the deeds we do, fasting doesn’t help anybody but feeding others does! Be fit and active and try helping others in whichever way you can, big or small. A well rested mind and a well fed body can do a lot for humanity. 

Please share your views.. I’ll be very happy to know what you think!

Thoughtful indulgences

Hi everyone…

 While chatting with my 13 year old nephew, he told me that his friend has an iPhone 7 at this age, shows off his high end branded clothes and is very arrogant. “He must be doing great in studies or sports”, I said, trying to find some logic in the whole thing to which my nephew replied saying that he barely manages to pass and is so fat that he can’t play any sport. 

Today when I see young kids with mobiles in their hands, headphones in their ears and talking like grown ups, it makes me miss the good old times when we were growing up. How I used to just rush back home from school, change my clothes in a hurry to play outside with my friends- real friends not virtual. 

Watching television meant Cartoon Network and Disney . Cartoons like duck tales , scooby doo , Aladdin, the little mermaid etc had become a part of my growing up. The list of such cartoons was endless. I could never get enough of them. 

Shopping meant whatever mom finds pretty and fits well. I never bothered if it’s branded or expensive, unlike the kids of today. All that mattered was that the clothes and footwear were comfortable, pretty and made me look nice.

Expensive watches and gadgets meant working hard to achieve them. What my parents would buy for me was directly proportional to my marks in the report card , my participation on the stage or my performance on the sports day. A 100 rupee note from my grandfather every time I cooked for him was the best gift while growing up. Mom and dad would make it a point to give me small tokens of appreciation when I made birthday cards for them. 

Have you ever noticed the difference in the attitude and behaviour of the teenagers today in comparison to when we were their age ? I did and i tried to find the reason.

Every generation learns a few new slangs, sings the latest songs to look more cool, is a little more tech savvy than the previous one because technology and gadgets are improving by the hour. 

The difference is in the tolerance level. We, as kids, were more tolerant towards our parents. So what if they didn’t know how to use a touch screen or work on the laptop. We would teach them with patience. I see today’s kids losing their cool on their parents as if their folks know nothing. Parents put in their full efforts to teach their toddlers how to walk, learn alphabets and talk without fumbling. Then why can’t those teenagers realise that now it’s their turn to put in that effort to teach their parents, what they might not know, instead of being embarrassed or making fun of them. This was the difference that I noticed and it’s time to know the root cause. 

On the face of it, it feels that the kids are arrogant and restless but the parents are the ones who are at a greater fault. They provide their kids with much more than they actually deserve at a very young age. As a result, those kids start losing respect for smaller things and take everything for granted including their parents. Why should a 12 year old have the latest iPhone? Does he deserve it? If mobile is a necessity, a means of safety, it can be fulfilled with a very basic one. When we don’t set bars for our kids, we are indulging them to take a lot of things for granted including us and it shows later on in their behaviour towards us. What’s the use of repenting later on? Don’t make up for your absence with expensive gifts. Give them your time and teach them good values. Put your kids into a habit of getting happy with small, little pleasures in life. 

Today when I look back, I don’t miss materialistic pleasures. All I want is to ride my bicycle one last time, watch ‘Disney hour’ one last time, play hide and seek with my friends one last time and bunk a class for that one last time. 

Please share your views and personal experiences. I would love to know what you guys think. 

Night bird

I skip my afternoon nap thinking I’ll go early to bed and fall asleep in a snap of a finger or probably two! As perfect as it sounds, it happens as frequently as .. Oh wait! Has it been that long since I slept by midnight? 

When I was about 15-16 years, I slowly accepted that I’m not a morning person. What I hear, read or try to learn registers the best when I do it at night. I actually felt the difference in the way my brain works immediately after waking up and late into the night. So I experimented with studying at night and I was glad on achieving the desired results in my exams.

I’m very thankful to my accounts tuition teacher, who is like a brother to me, for noticing this difference in me. He told me that I’m a very average student in the morning batch and a brilliant one in the evening batch. I was a mess at early morning tuitions. I couldn’t even get the jokes properly. 

Even now, I love to read before bed time. But my bed time stretches to late hours in the night because I’m super fresh and everything registers way better, I process things much faster and I admit that I just love being with myself in those 2-3 hours. I feel that’s my time. This is when I can read, listen to the music I love, munch some chips and plan a few imaginary vacations!! 

I know it sounds very unhealthy and an awful routine but I’m just saying things as they are. I often get tongue tied when people ask me, why did you sleep so late? Because I know that people who fall asleep as soon as they put their head on that comfy pillow won’t get what I’m saying. When I say that I just don’t fall asleep before 3 AM, even if I start tossing and turning at 11 PM, the regular response I get is that I don’t try hard enough. Well, that’s not the truth. I’ve tried. I’ve tried waking up at 7 so that I fall asleep early but then most of my early hours are only spent in getting myself active. I feel like I’m wasting 2-3 hours doing and understanding nothing when I can do much more in the same amount of time at different hours of the day. 

I made chocolate mousse for my family the other day and you can’t even imagine my working hours. I feel it’s all about being happy and doing something productive rather than follow rules about timings. Every body is made a certain way. We should realise what our body needs and how it functions so that we can use our energies to the best of our capacities and capabilities. 

The important thing is to take the right amount of sleep which keeps you working the rest of the day. I wake up, dress up my kid and send her to school. To compensate for a not so good night routine, I do yoga during the day, eat nutritiously and take a power nap when my daughter is sleeping in the afternoon. I love yoga , I’m not a gym person at all. This is another realisation on how my body responds to two different forms of exercises. 

All we need to do is not to go by the book in everything we do. We should cater to what our body needs because we all are different, we just have to realise what works the best for us.

So are you a morning person or a night bird? Would love to know! 

Please leave your comments below.

Stay happy, stay healthy 😊

Who am I ?

There are so many times when I ask myself , what’s the purpose of my being? Why was I born? Will I ever make a difference to the world, my country or atleast the city I live in?

I go into deep thinking but still haven’t found my answers. What the society expects out of me is to be a good wife, a decent home maker, raise a cultured family and be content with that. Yes, I love my family and I can go to any extent to protect them. That said, I still have dreams to fly high and one day I will. 

I realised pretty soon that materialism and happiness do not go hand in hand. My husband can afford to give me a good, luxurious life. Every woman loves gifts, shopping and indulgences. I feel very happy , filled with gratitude, but all the materialistic things only provide momentary happiness , they don’t quench my thirst of doing something worthwhile on my own. 

My daughter is my biggest blessing. I could never imagine how selfless and unconditional love of a mother is, until I myself became one. Even after all this, if I want a little space of my own , am I wrong? 

Having your own time, solitude, gives you perspective. It helps you grow mature and also nurtures your soul within. Every person should practice being alone for sometime during the day, being alone with your thoughts, being content in your own company and being at peace with your thoughts. I’m glad I did it and I found that my happiness is in writing so I wrote and wrote, sometimes vague, sometimes meaningful and sometimes just for fun. I feel a sense of freedom when I write and the best part is I write exactly what I feel so no one can take that away from me. It is exhilarating but it is still just one of the answers out of the million ones that I ask myself. My search for my own identity will continue. 

I’ll always be thankful to my husband cause he lets me express what I feel , tries to help me out in every way he can. I know that once I find my answers, he’ll be very supportive. 

I’m happy that I can write and share posts with all the women out there who have a spark in them but are still searching for their independent identity. 

Thank you 😊